What do those words mean to you? Allow the vibration you feel at every level of your body to inform your answer, not your intellect.
For me, it has been over a year and a half that I have been seeing Sheila Winter Wallace and participating in her programs, such as: Conversations that Heal; Huna—1 & 2, so far; Decloacking and Living Authentically –best thing I’ve done for myself, ever; and waiting on Engaging and Awakening Others, and Manifesting. a Meaningful Life. In this process of accelerating my personal evolution, my aim is also to become a CODE Model Coach. There was one program, though, that I was avoiding. I told myself that it was because it was so expensive, that I’m doing all of these other things for my body, that…excuses-excuses-excuses… Truth of it was this: I was simply not ready. I knew what I would encounter would be powerful and profound, and I was not ready. Body-Spirit Integration (BSI) is what Sheila IS, and that is exactly what I experienced with just the first session.
It follows, then, that this post is about my experience with BSI and the discoveries that unfolded in next 24 hours of being.
Prior to starting the body work, Sheila engaged me in a CODE Model conversation regarding what brought me to her table. Sheila knows me well, she knows my history, she knows where I am today, and she continuously engages with me in conversations that help us both evolve. From the CODE Model perspective (based on quantum-biology), we know that whatever presents in the body is the final frontier. This means that the messages have been coming through energetically from higher orders of thinking and are presenting in the physical body as “pain” because I have not been able to pay attention and act accordingly. All this means is that what we call “trauma” and “stress” in modern society, or my world, energy-in-flow, has stagnated in parts of my body without my awareness. What Sheila does, through hands-on work, is “invite and allow” the body to create “space, movement and flow”. These are the key components of a healthy Soul, including the physical body.
When I got on her table, my only role was simply to be present, still and heavy. Sheila began her magic by chanting to call in the divine Self, and then proceeded to put her hands on my body and just hung out. She started from my feet and moved upwards. What I noticed, right away, is something different about my body – it is moving her hands, she is not moving it. What?! To appease my intellect, because at this point I was intrigued and my intellect was full-on engaged, she began to explain the science behind the way she conducts the treatments. As I listened, I intuitively understood the significance of simply inviting the relaxed body to metabolize and integrate long-standing beliefs, values and attitudes that I have been subconsciously carrying for life. As she kept moving, without my conscious awareness, I began to deeply let go and trust the process, entirely. Sheila’s intuition is bang-on –she knew exactly where to stop and hang out longer, allowing the tissue of my body to unwind, to create more space, to release, to integrate. My right hip, for instance, was particularly emotional for me. Although the release and integration was intense, I trusted the process and allowed whatever was happening in my body to just happen.
By the time Sheila put her hands on my head, I was floating in another dimension. I was in this space of completely awake, fully present to mySelf, willfully open to whatever possibility. I have never felt that relaxed in my entire life, and I have been meditating and practicing yoga for a decade AND I’ve experienced massages, acupuncture, chiropractor, Nordic spas, energetic work AND I’ve experimented (more than I care to admit) with a variety of so-called fun substances. This was different. This was powerful. This was exactly what my body and spirit needed, exactly that day.
After all, everything unfolds exactly as it should.
I came out of this trans-state wholly relaxed. Something had changed, and at that time, I had no words for it. I still do not have the words to do it justice, but I’ve had some time to integrate and therefore ability to communicate. A nominalization such as “wholly relaxed” means something different to me than it does to you, because my nervous system has now experienced this state, whereas yours may not have. You may have no idea what I’m talking about, because your nervous system never learned what that means! When you read that, you take from it what is reflected in your body, in your experience, not mine. Just like our brains learn, our nervous system learns, also, and that makes us each experience life in a unique way. Still, I hope you can trust that, for me, this was the most relaxed and the most present I have ever felt in my entire life.
There is safety in Sheila’s hands, this, I know.
I left Sheila’s place unsure of what to make of my experience – so I did not intellectualize it. I simply allowed it to be, to percolate in my body without my intellect’s interference.
Then, I went to bed and enjoyed a deep, calming sleep.
The next day is when I started to notice the long-lasting effects of what had just happened to me. My body felt light and it was easier to carry me around than usual. With my body in this space, the signal of Self that I AM can come through more readily – I can hear mySelf better, I can give space for that voice to be heard, I can live in alignment with it. Quantum healing had done it’s magic!
I had a powerful conversation with a co-worker that day in an unlikely environment, where I allowed all my guards to come down, and so give her permission to open up about private, difficult situations she is encountering in her life. I felt present to her, without losing myself. I felt open to hearing her, without it triggering my nervous system. I felt cool, calm and collected…if you will. That made for a heck of a powerful conversation within the walls of an institution where such discussions are not to be had out in the open – vulnerability of such sort is rare.
Through out the day I was also particularly aware of my body, of it’s presence in the world, of its weight, of its flow.
In the afternoon, I went to a new-moon Kundalini yoga class followed by 40 minutes of gong meditation. Whoa – how powerful! The heart-opening Kriya felt effortless, the prosperity meditation was beautiful, and the gong meditation was powerful. I felt the intensity of it, of the waves releasing in my body, and at the same time, I was so calm throughout.
A word that has been running the unconscious show of my life came through during my meditation, and it made so many pieces of the puzzle of my life click – “struggle”. I heard the message loud and clear and realized, consciously, in that moment, that I have been carrying, subconsciously, the nominalization of “struggle” in my body my entire life. Life is a struggle. Life is competition. Life is dog-eat-dog. Life is a battle. Life is refuge. Life is deterministic. Life is hard. Life is unsafe. Life is painful.
I suppose where I came from, the adopting of the conceptualization of “life is struggle” makes a heck of a lot of sense. But this is a post for another day.
The truth of my experience is that survival through rushing, reacting and responding are the traits that kept my family going –they are the traits that were modeled to me as strategies. As politically persecuted refugees, we are not safe or stable anywhere. This message has been registered in my nervous system –so I proceed to live a life from that space of struggle, instability and sacrifice. From my experience, this is how all individuals whose homes have been systematically destroyed and who are forced to take refuge elsewhere where they are not wanted live — in fear, struggle, and insecurity. The struggle mantra vibrates their cells and feels as real to them as daylight, however subconsciously. We are born to suffer, exist suffering, and then we die. That’s what life is.
Yet, from the experience of my being, despite all the suffering, I know this to be untrue – on some level deep in my cells, I have always known it to be untrue.
It is the vibration of this Truth that Sheila, through her presence, made accessible to me. I have not been born to struggle, I have been born to thrive. I have been born to have a physical experience on this planet, as the force of creation that I AM. Through conscious awareness and body release I am reprogramming the subconscious program of cultural conditioning.
Given that nothing is coincidence and there is genious in all that presents, that very day I received in the mail I book I had been waiting a while to receive: “The Biology of Belief” by Dr. Bruce Lipton. After my yoga class, I began reading the first chapter. What I got from it, right away, is that despite the dogma within the science community of life being “competition”, Dr. Lipton (and other quantum physicists) have found that life, like amoeba, thrive in cooperative environments … The human being is made up of 50 trillion cells all cooperating in their communities to ensure I thrive. WOW! The vibration that that Truth carries is significant within me. I feel lit up, I feel alive, I feel expansive, I feel validated. We are not the competitive, cut-throat mortals that we have been conditioned to believe. Quite the contrary – we are cooperative, inclusive Godforces that thrive in inclusive communities! This is the only truth about our human nature that makes sense to me, at every logical level!
These 24 hours were so interesting to me. And in the week following the session, I’ve noticed how much easier it has been in my body to just be, without the push-and-pull of the struggle mantra vibrating through me. I’ve noticed where I hold in my body and I just chose to breathe into that space, and that alone is an act of healing. I know my body is my friend, I know it is communicating with me the best way it knows how, I trust that although I have not been able to listen all these years…a shift has occurred within me and now, I know. The police are not at my door, I am safe, and I can chose to live life from that space of safety, not struggle.
It’s quite incredible how powerfully quantum healing works –no content, no story, just release, because I chose it for mySelf.
And so, I know that in life, nothing is a coincidence, nothing happens because of chance… we are creators of our own reality, AND we are creators of the collective reality. What we chose for ourselves shapes our own life, AND what we chose collectively shapes our collective lives. The illusion of separation has kept us enslaved for much too long. So far, we are choosing biosphere collapse – what does that tell you about the state of the Souls of individuals out there?! Unless we chose to ask different questions, we will die suffering instead of living full lives in alignment with what we are.
I, for one, chose to wake up from the collective comma and cultural dogmas surrounding me, and thus create a vastly different reality for mySelf and the ripples I leave in the world. I hope that my ripples meet yours, and they constructively interfere with yours, and multiply in magnitude of health, joy, and love.
After all, we are Creator.
What do we chose to create today?
Have you experienced anything like this before? What was the experience like?