As I’m walking around cleaning my house listening to one of the countless WEL-Systems® audio files I became viscerally aware of the fact that our bodies, as the messengers of the Signal from Self (the essence of WHAT we are), truly never lie.
Like most people around me, I have spent countless years investing my time and energy in “thinking things through”, as the culture teaches. What I didn’t know then that I know now is that the speed my intellect processes information is puny compared to the body (which is instantaneous). This device, this body, this bio-host (thanks for this word, Deborah Gleason!), is powerful, because it is a quantum-biological processor.
When I slow down what moves in my body and try to intellectualize it so that it makes sense to my intellect, I’ve slowed down my body’s ability to simply digest and metabolize. It’s like digesting and metabolizing food — by the time I think about the processes I need to actually do so, I’d die! Same thing with e-motion.
Which is why, in my life, the more I have opted to rely on figuring things out, the more confused I’d get, the more my stories would keep me stagnated and trapped in the loop of my habituated thinking and behaving. Responding from the intellect has ensured that I make decisions that are not in my best interest because often I would try to take factors into account like pleasing people around me, or doing the “right” thing (as externally imposed by some voice of legitimized authority), or taking action from fear of past consequences, or making decisions that I believe will ensure an imagined preferred future outcome. Even worse, I would delay making a decision on my own behalf because I want all-or-nothing. This is when I find myself “stuck” in my life circumstances, feeling pity for myself or resentment of others despite thinking I’m doing the right thing, or trying to convince myself I’m doing the “right” thing despite the chaos presented in my body. The years go by…
My Body’s Revelation: I Am Fucking Done
Despite having habitually lived from the space of the intellect for decades, even then there have been moments in my life where I sensed definitively the visceral, deep knowing presented to me through my body.
For example, I spent seven years of my life in an abusive relationship trying hard to leave time and again, yet I only did so the instant my body let me know, in one inhale, I am fucking done. Analyzing and thinking things through never helped. Knowing “I am in an abusive relationship” didn’t help. Therapy didn’t help. Anger management didn’t help. Lists of why I should leave didn’t help. Crying didn’t help. Journaling didn’t help. Yoga didn’t help. Meditation didn’t help.
The download of visceral knowing is the only thing that made a difference. And in that instant, I had already moved on…
And it’s the same with my experience with addiction. In the decade I spent steeped in the strategy of addiction I thought deeply about why I should quit. I made lists. I saw therapists. I did the whole CBT thing. Even Narcotics Anonymous for almost two years. I tried to manage it. I tried to change. I knew what all the research showed. I knew the strategies. I did the yoga. I even identified as an addict. But none of that helped…
What helped was the visceral download of I am fucking done. Not “I wish I was done”. Not “I hope I can possibly stop soon”. Not “if I try one more strategy…”. Not “if I see the ‘right’ expert”. Not “if I educate myself some more”. Not “I’ll try again later”. Not “trying to understand why“. Not “analyzing it some more”. Not storytelling about whose fault it is that I am the way I am.
None of that shit that kept me stagnated in my drama and self-imposed misery helped.
What made the difference was a visceral knowing: I. Am. Done.
And in that nanosecond of visceral knowing, I had already moved on…from the relationship, from addiction, from my story. The ‘how’s’ unfolded naturally thereafter, effortlessly on my part.
It wasn’t that I finally reached a new level of understanding; it wasn’t that the story suddenly clicked; it wasn’t that I finally got to the root of the problem. It was that none of that mattered any longer. My body was done.
In standing in that moment, that place of knowing, stopping, and making a different choice from that that place of intuitive knowing, my life changed. I evolved into the next level of my own personal evolution. New possibilities emerged and I was different.
In the expansive paradigm I live from now, I know to call it “living choice-point UP”. Indeed.
Now I know to trust, wholeheartedly, the signal that I AM moving through my body letting me know, despite the increasing subtlety of the sensation, the wave, the information in flow, the e-motion.
What matters to me now, increasingly more than ever, is my fully connected Presence. To know, in the moment, when to speak and when to not. To know, in the moment, to turn left or to turn right. To know, in the moment, to say yes or to say no. To know, in the moment, to stay or to leave. To know, in the moment, exactly where Stela is. Without attachment to story, without attachment to past, without attachment to future, without attachment to outcome. Just me, bare, raw, Present. Here. Now.
This is the thing most of us have forgotten; we have buried our own Truth so deep that we have become afraid of it. Fear is such a Soul killer. Most of us live fearful, dependent lives and so we allow the external world to push us around like a leaf in the wind. One minute it’s this, the next it’s that. We go along to get along. Powerless. Defeated. Depended on … Phizer? (and all that’s a metaphor for…)
Today, I know a different process to live my life by, from a different context. I have changed my mind about WHAT I am, and I know this to True. I also know, viscerally, experientially, Quantum TLC™ is the only thing that works, instantaneously. The essence of what I am, riding on the flow of my breath, the instant energy-in-motion presents (aka Signal from Self speaks through the body) as the body digests and metabolizes (exactly what it’s designed to do…). Period. Not strategizing, not to-do lists, not talking things through, not listening to experts, not consulting the research. In my life, all of that has become completely meaningless. Fruitless pursuits of intellect while the body (biosphere) breaks down. Our collective heads in the sand. How’s that for a metaphor?!
My Mind Is Mine
What I know so viscerally well, in this moment, is that my life is mine. My body is mine. My energy is mine. My mind is mine.
And I choose.
I choose that which lights me up.
I choose that which is life-affirming.
I choose that which sends ripples of absolute pleasure and joy through my body.
I choose to love the chaos.
I choose to stay Present as my Life unfolds, in every single breath.
I choose to live with ease.
I choose to become an invitational Force for evolution.
I choose to let go of stories.
I choose to be immersed in full gratitude.
I choose to love all that is.
I choose to become Gaia.
I choose abundance. Flow. Space. Evolution.
I choose to reclaim the Freedom of being that is my birthright.
I choose to trust the brilliance of Life, evolving.
I choose to let the brilliance of my body lead.
I choose to choose breath, in each moment; because that is my life.
I choose the godForce that I AM.
I choose Life, for its own sake.